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My doctors told me I could have a sexual experience in other ways.I opened our text conversation and, for the fifth time in a half hour, typed then deleted my excuse for canceling on him. I looked in the mirror and tried to regain my composure. But it feels a lot more complicated when you’re a straight woman with medical conditions that prevent you from having vaginal intercourse. Women’s magazines and online advice columns never taught me how to handle this.I imagined what it would be like to tell this cute, blue-eyed stranger that no matter how loud he made me laugh or how attentively he listened to my childhood stories, I may never be able to have sex with him. I pushed the thought out of my head, erased the text, grabbed my keys, and walked out the door. As I parked my car, I could feel beads of sweat dotting the back of my neck.The cocktail menu boasted a tequila drink “known for making your clothes fall off.” My date made a joke about it. I barely remember the rest of the night, but I do remember that I never heard from him again.
Up until then, my sex life had been defined by the question “What’s wrong with me? I was diagnosed with endometriosis, vulvodynia, and vaginismus – aka Vagina Problems.
It doesn’t help that, since I last had a boyfriend, the line between dating and dating app-enabled casual sex has become very thin.