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18-Apr-2020 22:47

Shortly after, he says his manager at work tried to set him up on a date with someone who ended up questioning the validity of his identity.

“I told them, ‘Hey, I found this thing and it makes all these disparate pieces of my life click into place.’ And they were like, ‘Oh no, that’s not true, you’re just afraid.’ …

Bumble, a swipe-based app with a feminist bent, encourages people to network and find friends as well as romance.

But as with Tinder, there’s no option to select an orientation, ace or otherwise.

Although asexual-specific dating services exist, they aren’t well-trafficked, and many aces say the lack of accommodation on mainstream apps often makes them feel ignored and frustrated.

“Historically, we just haven’t accepted asexuality as a legitimate sexual orientation, and I think we’ve been only catching up to that in recent years,” says KJ Cerankowski, an Oberlin assistant professor of gender, sexuality, and feminist studies.

“But it was the right thing to do to create an experience that worked for everyone.” Although Ok Cupid doesn’t include aromantic options or every gradation on the ace spectrum — including various combinations of romantic and sexual identities — it’s still ahead of the game when it comes to actively including ace users. It probably only matters if it comes down to their bottom line.” Tinder offers multiple gender options and allows people to select an interest in men and/or women, but that’s where the choices end.

“You have this one dating app that’s leading the way around gender identity and sexual orientation,” Cerankowski says. There are no identification or filtering options for aces, so if you want to identify as asexual or aromantic, you have to work around the app’s existing infrastructure.

Nathan Lickliter, a 32-year-old heteromantic asexual bank teller who lives on Maryland’s Eastern Shore, first realized he was asexual after reading a article.Among mainstream dating services, OKCupid stands alone in acknowledging aces.In November 2014, it added expansive dropdown options for gender and sexuality, including asexuality and demisexuality.“It’s not that there aren’t enough asexual people in the world or in my area.

It’s that they’re not on ACEapp.” There’s also the larger issue of cultural awareness; online dating can be challenging for aces even when they can select their specific orientations, as other people’s biases and misinformation can limit their options. Someone who seemed perfect in an online profile waltzes in late, doesn’t resemble their photo, and can’t stop talking about themselves.But for people who identify as asexual — or under the asexual umbrella — online dating can be even more exhausting, and often downright fruitless.But workable online alternatives for aces seeking their preferred levels of partnership and connection are few and far between.



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